Chapter 12

So they went: speeding down the highway towards the Museum. This would be the longest trip of Tuomas’ life. He hoped there would be no delays. Unfortunately, there had just been a murder in the area, and when murders occur the authorities usually tend to try to find out what happened. Lo and behold, Tuomas could see police up ahead. They had set up a roadblock. As soon as he approached, the policeman waved them to the shoulder of the road. Tuomas rolled down the window.


“Excuse me officer, but is there a problem?”

“Oh look it’s Tuomas from Nightwish. Don’t worry. You’re not in trouble,” he said, as he could see Tuomas was worried. “We know exactly what happened in the Tearoom. I stopped you because there’s been a murder.”

“Oh really?” asked Tuomas.

“Yes.” He said. “Dragonbot was found dead. She had been dragged outside and unplugged. She died of lack of electricity in a matter of minutes after her disconnect. Do you know anything about it?”

“Oh yes,” he answered. “In fact I saw it happen.”

“Oh great! So did you see who did it?”

“Indeed I did,” Tuomas replied indignantly. “God did it, and I asked Him to!”

This certainly made the police uncomfortable. Tuomas had just confessed to being an associate to a murder, though he was almost certainly lying.



“Sir, you mean to tell us that you asked God to kill Dragonbot and he obliged?”



“Yes. If you need to ask him any questions, he will be at my Hartwall show backstage. Now can I please get on my way?”



The officers looked at each other and nodded. Tuomas started the bus and continued.



Marco was becoming increasingly anxious as they sped down the highway. They needed a way to distract the giant. But how?



“Hey Marco,” said Emppu. “You know we have mod powers on the Nightwish forum?”



“Oh is that so then?”



“Yes”



“Well if it’s got power, then I’m there! Giants always need MOAR POWER! Now where is that computador?”



The two of them sat down at the small desk. Long road trips are boring and without weed the two had to find new ways to amuse themselves.



Marco cleared his throat, ready. He really is the creative type: "Every forum member is requiremented to remember that Dragonbot is made of steel, not of clay. Failz to do so will result in the offendermaker being thrust into Dragonbot's lair to fend for him/herself.” Macro smiled, quite pleased with himself. “They will be terrified, then realize that I did the work for them. Too bad they’re stranded in the middle of Fangirlia!”



Emppu giggled. “That won’t be an issue then. They are ALL stranded in the middle of Fangirlia. Oh I have a good one: Drunk posts are strictly forbidden. Don’t be such a loser and drink with some real people for God’s sake!”



Marco laughed heartily. He never drinks alone. Even if he’s forced to go to the drunk tank he always finds friends to party with. When he was finished he had yet another great idea: “It is absolutie requiremented that your profile page picture is actually a picture of you. No pretty things allowed!”



The two of them laughed together, then Emppu stopped suddenly. “But Marco, that’s already a rule. See?” Emppu pointed to the screen.



Marco looked closely and read it, which took him a moment because he is not a good reader. “Why so it is! Ok then. I find these photo reguquirements to be unsufficeing so I will make an addjustmentment to them.” Macro cleared his throat, signalling to Emppu to listen and type. “All profile pictures must be biometrics enabled regulation passport size photos. If not then any forum meet-ups will not be done in accordance with regulations and must be aborted, regardless of time. Failure to comply will be grounds for an immediate ban, without warning. We can’t have innocent forum members meeting with the wrong person who just so happens to look exactly the same, and happens to be in the same place at the agreed-upon time.”



“Yeah. That happens all the time. This one’s important: Xenophobic posts are strictly forbidden. Little Green Men can listen to Nightwish too.”



“Yeah. We’re from Finland so we understand that,” said Marco, who was still under the impression that Finns are descended from the Men from Mars, even though it’s been scientifically proven that they are from another galaxy entirely.



“Ooh, ooh!” Emppu was excited. “Keep your discussions in the band member’s threads respectful. For God’s sake I’m 5’3”. I can’t do those positions! I mean I’m flattered and all but have a little decency people…”



Everyone, even Tuomas, had to laugh. One would have to be dead indeed not to.



“Alright a serious one.” Emppu was in a brainy mood. “For whom it may concern, the light that comes from the moon is really a reflection of the light from the sun. If you’re seeking the moonlight, it doesn’t exist. I saw some concern about this and I just wanted to clear that up.”



“Oh, speaking of which, I must clarify this. Marco is not a Viking. He is a giant, and don’t you forget it, bitch!” Marco is quite passionate about his specie, and does not like for it to be mistaken.



“This one has to go on the forum.” Anette had until then been silent in the discussion. “Posting copyrighted material is fully permissible with one exception: videos that make my but look big. Anyone who breaks this rule has 24 hours to redeem him/herself by posting any picture of Tarja, because you don’t need a house of mirrors to make her look like a Jerry Springer guest.”



“Alright, alright.” Marco cleared his throat again. “If you want to post erotic stories about us that’s cool, but please leave our associates out of it. You know I don’t even like my mother-in-law but do you really think I’m pleased by the image of her in a dungeon crucified with my bass shoved up her-“



“WOULD YOU TWO SHUT UP AND GET OFF THE FORUM?” Tuomas shouted, annoyed, as he drove. “Remember what happened last time we posted on it?”



Emppu nodded. He still had two vampire fangs lodged in his thigh. The two of them decided to leave the forum and look for some Jackass re-runs instead, but not before clicking “save changes.” For several moments they drove in peace and then



“LAND HO! We be disembarking soon.”



Sure enough, the Fangirlia museum was approaching on the horizon. Jukka measured with his navigational devices and calculated that at the current speed they should arrive in five minutes. Marco could sense their approach and was getting increasingly excited. The wait was almost over. In less than five minutes: SHINY!