Chapter 7

As the band leader, Tuomas had had to instil discipline in the other band members before, like when Emppu went through his bedwetting phase and when Marco kept failing to hold his vodka and drowning the venue in vomit. He thought he could deal with a rampaging alcoholic giant, but then he absentmindedly shut the van door behind him. Not realizing what he had done, he was baked out of his mind in seconds, and Marco had become equally enraged.

“Chillax man. Feel the colours of the Canadian west coast.”

“Oh. EVERYONE THINKS IT’S A MOTHERFUCKING JOKE WHEN YOU HIDE MY BEER.”

‘Oh Marco. You giants can’t let loose and have a good time you bloody bastards!”

He was hopeless by this point. In a matter of seconds the van would be obliterated if no one intervened. But then they had another lucky break. Despite the entire band being high, Kimmo from the road crew had been outside the whole time and called the police and fire department. They were not impressed, but not amused either.

“I told you to stop calling us Kimmo. Now I have to fill out all this Goddamn paperwork for coming all the way out here.”

“I swear I didn’t know,” he pleaded with the constable.

“For fuck’s sake this is the fifth fucking time this tour you’ve called us because they hotboxed the bus."

“Tuomas went into the smoke and didn’t come out. I didn’t know what to do.” By now he was in tears, but the policeman wasn’t buying it.

“I would be within my obligation to report you for dangerous driving and drug abuse, but I can’t even be fucking bothered at this point. I’m telling the emergency dispatch to ignore your number. Next time they light a join you can freak out on your own. It really isn’t that big of a deal, you know?”

Marco could see he was outmatched by all the police and firemen/giants.

“You got away with it this time. But when I find that beer, I am going to get so hammered you won’t know who I am.”

As soon as the police left, Kimmo put on his gas mask that he keeps for such occasions –he is a very strong anti-drug activist - and drove the smoking van off down the road to the meet’n’greet. He knew the name of the town, but he was unfamiliar with that particular region of Finland. Unfortunately, he would be unable to call the police from then on and he did not know that his course took them straight through the heart of the most feared and forsaken region of Finland: Fangirlia!